Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Senior Citizens in America

America is not known for it's great treatment of its aging population. The exception is Hawaii, which I saw first-hand when I had the occasion to live there. I have a young friend who spends 24 hours a week taking care of an 80-some year old woman who had a stroke 4 years ago. Practically every single week, my friend gets a desperate phone call from one of the woman's daughters. She can't find anyone to take care of her mother on a particular day or that weekend. The call usually comes on Thursday night or Friday morning and she needs someone that day.

Now, the pay is not great, the job is at times boring, but at least the lady is very nice and easy-going-but that's not the point. This family wants their mom to remain at home and I can certainly understand that. What I can't figure out is why this one particular daughter spends so much time calling random people to take care of her mother and SO much energy giving any and every excuse in the book as to why SHE can't.

There are 5 grown kids and I don't know how many grand kids in this woman's family. The desperate daughter seems to live the closest; about 30 miles away. The youngest son lives an hour and a half away, but he visits every other weekend, practically without fail, buys her groceries, fixes things around the house (granted, I believe he owns it) and pays all her bills and the people who take care of his mom. But, everyone else just can't seem to fit taking care of their mom into their schedules.

I'm just not sure what that says to anyone reading this, but I know what it says to me.

I had the pleasure of spending 48 hours with the woman last weekend. I have never met anyone in the family, but the desperate daughter hired me Friday morning OVER THE PHONE!! I packed a bag and drove 40 some miles to her house. It is a well-maintained brick house with a nice yard in the back. The lady is partially paralyzed on her left side and needs some help getting into a standing position, dressing, washing-well, you get the idea.

I ended up with quite a bit of time on my hands. I couldn't locate the vacuum, couldn't reach the paper towels, had no idea how to take her blood pressure, the Library was closed. She would have liked to have gone to the Library and I would have been happy to oblige her. Oh, well. So instead, I made her pudding (she doesn't like chocolate!) Made all the meals through Sunday night, swept the patio and kitchen and read two full books. Her daughter called twice, but never to talk to her mom. When I asked my charge when the last time the daughter had been up to see her she told me it had been several months. Oh, my.

We had a nice time, this nice lady and I did. We chatted about her family and life. We struggled several times getting her up because she is larger than I and I am very small, however, my mom had strokes 30 years ago and I have never let her fall and this lady would not on my watch, either.

I just got a note from the son this A.M. He is placing an ad in the paper for full and part-time caretakers. Wanted to know if I knew anyone. Well, yeah, 5 to be exact. I think the family needs to step up a little. And maybe they should check out the people who they send to take care of mother.

I have to say, this experience has given me something to think about. What if I need help in the future? What will my 4 kids do? I used to joke that one would lock me in the basement, one would lock me in the attic, one would put me in a home and one would take care of me. The question is: "Which one would do which one?"


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